Weekend Update

In a galaxy long ago and far away,

my husband promised that JBandMe would be a JOINT blog. That he wasn't just luring me to join his blog because I was a more faithful poster.

I think he posts like once or twice a year.

And I can't always post, as evidenced recently by our faithful readers.
So I apologize for the long absence, but really, if you have a bone to pick over this, call my husband.

He wasn't the one living in agony for the past 3 months because of a foreign organism growing within me.

No. It isn't cancer.

But he sure is being mean like cancer.

Most of you already know this, but for the 1 or 2 who do not, I'm pregnant again.

Yes. Again. The first pregnancy with my daughter about killed me (but not in any sort of interesting or noteworthy way--just boring old pregnancy crap), and yet I still agreed to go through it again. And we both want more than two kids. Adoption is looking pretty good to me right about now...

This week starts the middle 3 months of the pregnancy, which was my grace period the first time around. A time when life is relatively unhindered by being pregnant. So I may post a little more on this. But no guarantees. Unemployment runs out in October and I've got a job to find!

There's work to be done! Quilting to do! A baby to grow! A girl who's turning 2!

She's HERE!!!

Everyone welcome Olivia May.

Born: 10-11-08 5:30pm
Weight: 8 lbs 13 ounces
Length: 22 inches

After sixteen hours in the hospital Olivia was evicted from April's womb. Both baby and mom are doing great, dad too. More pictures to follow after I make my way out of this delirious haze.

ED Day +4

The waiting is the hardest part
Everyday you get one more yard
You take it on faith, you take it to the heart
The waiting is the hardest part.

-Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers

Still waiting...

The OB scheduled an induction date for 6am next Wednesday. I was gunning for today, 10-9-8. We'll see.

btw, all you small grouper friends are awesome. Thanks for the visit and thanks for your generosity. We're glad you are all in our lives!

ED-Day +2

Hmmm…everyone seems to be on pins and needles here about this baby. Everyone except for me! :) I am looking forward to a lazy week of occasional vacuuming and therapeutic crocheting and do not anticipate a baby soon.

(On the crocheting note, do any siblings want me to crochet them something for Christmas? I am obsessed with crocheting right now. Well, I can only figure out blankets or other square-shaped things right now—like I think I could work out a scarf or maybe a hot pad. Annie has requested a Prada skirt—yeah, not sure about that one, but it’s nice that she thinks I could have the skills for it.)

Back to the baby update:

I saw the doctor today and the baby is pretty content right now, with little intent to leave. On Friday they will do a non-stress test thingy and give me a shot to get the party started. If she hasn’t read her eviction notice by next Wednesday, the doctor will take things into his own hands by inducing.

Sooo…don’t get too excited for baby news this week. You can get back on those pins and needles this weekend. Haha!

My money is on Sunday or Tuesday. Ever since I learned I was pregnant, I had picked Oct 12 for her birthday. No reason. Just felt right. However, Tuesday is the full moon, and even though there is no scientific evidence to support it, I believe the old wives’ tale that more babies are born on a full moon. I’m sure they talk about it in my crazy old Foxfire books somewhere…

Weekend Warrior

Well my weekend went by in a whirlwind! But that was fine by me because I had a lot of fun.

On Friday, Lulu got her haircut and nails trimmed so now she’ll be fashionable for photos with Baby H and will stop tripping on the stairs because of her long nails. Since she had gotten banned from PetSmart (for story, click here), I took her to a private groomer who did a fabulous job with her. Even better than a red bow from PetSmart, Lucy got a pink bandana!

Saturday got kicked off with my Grand Rapids baby shower.

My mom and sisters all came from east Michigan for it, and there was the usual sisterly drama involved. This time Krystal was not ready at her dorm when they got to East Lansing, so they left her behind and she had to drive herself. There was much phone calls and discussion about all this while I was trying to get ready. One would think that Krystal was at fault for not being home at the appointed time, but she preferred to lay the blame on Anne. Haha.

“Didn’t you miss out on not having sisters?” I teased JB.

JB’s Aunt Helen, Aunt Rhonda, and cousin Sarah from Tennessee also attended the shower, though I think they arrived with less issue than the Teagues.

Again, I was shocked by everyone’s generosity. As my mom put it, “I got the mother lode!”

One of the gifts that JB had put on the registry that we did not receive was the video game Rock Band for his Xbox 360. Every time we go to Target JB asks if we can buy Rock Band, which is $165. Baby registry day was no different. I had told him, “No,” as usual. “Fine then. I’ll just register for it!” he had said. So he did. And now everyone asks why Rock Band is on there.

I thought it would be funny when we got home from the shower to tell JB that we DID get Rock Band from Tommy, who thought it would be a good gift for the baby.

“What? No we didn’t,” said JB. “…..did we?” He looked around at the presents.

“He was home last weekend and sent it with Mom today,” we said.

“Really? I don’t believe you,” he replied.

We then admitted that it was a trick, which JB said was a very mean trick. He didn’t really believe us, but had started to develop a small glimmer of hope nonetheless.

I thought it was quite funny. I also think that the baby does NOT need rock band.

After the shower the Teagues also showered me with more presents of cool hand-me-downs that they nabbed from different places. Mom and I discussed things that I have yet to obtain for baby and I mentioned having to shop for a breast pump.

“What! No! Don’t do the breast pump! Those things are terrible!” she exclaimed. This outburst got everyone’s attention, including poor JB, the only guy in the house.

“Well, what the hell am I supposed to do when I’m at work, Mom?”

“Just do it yourself! It’s much less painful. Those breast pumps will mangle your boobs!”

“You want me to milk myself, like a cow?”

Yes, she did want me to milk myself like a cow. I told her that I would not be doing that. She said that perhaps technology has advanced since she last knew about pumps. I said that none of my friends have come to me with horror stories, so I think it’s safe these days. Mom is still quite leary.

Then someone brought up borrowing a breast pump from a friend and Krystal was horrified, “That’s disgusting! I would never use a breast pump that belonged to someone else!”

Annie looked over at her. “This from the girl who has no issue with wearing other people’s underwear?”

Annie's got ya there, K!

Before they left, we all went to dinner at Yen Ching. It was JB and us five Teagues. As we entered the restaurant Mom said to JB, “Look, JB and all these women. It’s like a polygamist colony and we’re your wives. Well, except for me. That would just be weird.”

But JB having four sisters for wives wouldn’t be weird?

After they left JB turned to me and said (as he always does), “I’m really glad we got to hang out with your family today. I had a lot of fun. I really like your family.”

That’s because, well, the Teagues are entertaining even when they’re just being themselves.

After dinner JB, Lucy, and I went directly to the Hilton to hang out with the Tennessee family. There, Lucy wowed the crowd with her dog tricks and jumping Jack Russell legs.

Sunday was church, Crochet Day with some work friends, and then Bible Study baby shower. (Again, more wonderful gifts and love felt from everyone.)

Kristen and Seth gave us this really funny gag book and magnets about how not to raise your baby. There were nice drawings to accompany it. For instance, after bathing the baby, should you a.) dry baby with a towel or b.) put baby in clothes dryer? Apparently, the answer is A. My uncles and cousins have tried drying their sibs in the dryer, and my siblings and I played in the dryer plenty of times (without being brave enough to turn it on, probably because of the horror story that mom told us about the little boy who got cooked to death in a dryer) but I guess we should wait until the kid is old enough to play in the dryer herself and not start her out at such a young age. Besides, my mom gave me these wonderful hooded bath towels that I’m really excited to use instead.

Tonight we had dinner at the Hilton. Sooo good. Then we played a crossword game, where I was given a hard time for spelling Whore. I'd like to point out that others who were playing spelled much naughtier words! You know who you are! :)

Retaliation

My first baby shower was a few weeks ago in Mayville. My sisters and mom had been working very hard to get the house, food, etc, ready for the party. Sister Annie had been slaving particularly hard on everything. She had made and mailed the invites, managed the RSVP’s, and been home for the days leading up to the shower and thus did a lot of the preparing. Two other characters that were also home were Krystal and Mom. But Mom had gotten food poisoning the day before the shower and was kind of out of commission, and Krystal is a force to be reckoned with and hard to convince to help out if she has better things to do (sorry, K, you know it’s true—I’m sure you won’t deny this). Also, Krystal clashes with Annie and does not like taking orders from her, simply on principal.

One of the battles that Krystal lost was to clean her bathroom, which is the main bathroom that guests would be using. Her and Anne are the only two who use that bathroom and Anne was busy doing other things. Krystal reluctantly scrubbed the place down.

The night before the baby shower Krystal casually asks Mom, “Mom, you don’t use the purple toothbrush in my bathroom, do you?”

It was a silly question. Mom has her own bathroom. Why would she keep her toothbrush in the bathroom on the other side of the house?

“No. Why would I?” Mom replied.

“Good, because I cleaned the bathroom with it,” said Krystal.

Annie’s heart stopped. “That’s MY toothbrush!” she exclaimed.

“Oops!” said Krystal.

Krystal cleaned the bathroom (including the soap-scummed glass-walled shower) with Annie’s toothbrush and then put it back in the cupboard, where Anne later picked it up and brushed her teeth with it.

Annie was livid. Krystal is always messing with her. For example, just a few weeks earlier, she and Krystal had to share a bed when they had a house full of overnight guests. As Krystal climbed into the bed she had said to Anne, “If you so much as touch me in the night, I will kill you!” She then proceeded to wrap her entire body in a blanket so as to assure no accidental skin contact in the night, even though it was July and the house isn’t air conditioned. Anne was so unnerved by Krystal that she slept on the very edge of the bed all night and didn’t get any sleep.

So when Anne noticed that her toothbrush was moved to the shelf below it’s normal place, she had figured that Krystal had moved it because she didn’t want their toothbrushes to occupy the same air space or something.

Krystal is still defending her actions to this day: “I put the used toothbrush on the shelf below our toothbrush place, where the cleaning supplies are! Besides, it was an old ratty thing anyway!”

Anyone who truly knows Krytal would take this defense with a grain of salt. Yes, she is not above making an honest mistake. But she is also an ace liar and not above playing such a trick on her sister if she was in the right mood.

When I heard the story, I asked Anne what she was going to do to retaliate. My first idea was to clean the TOILET with K’s toothbrush, but that could lead to serious disease. And even if I was mean enough to let Krystal get diseased (which I’m not), anything she gets could easily be spread to the rest of us. In fact, all of our ideas risked too much disease, so we’re at a loss. Krystal is constantly getting up in Annie’s hair like that—she steals her clothes, beauty supplies, sunglasses, etc., with no remorse. And Anne does not retaliate.

I told Anne that perhaps Krystal does this because she seeks Annie’s attention.

The day after the shower, Krystal brought her luggage down that she would take back to Michigan State with her for the new school year. Anne said that Krystal’s luggage could not leave the house without it first being searched for stolen clothing. A careful search found both Anne AND Mom’s clothing in the bags destined for East Lansing. As if enough damage hadn’t been done already!

When you have several siblings, one must always be ready for retaliation. I am prepared for a Krystal attack. I have an arsenal of embarrassing Krystal stories that I could share with the world with the click of a mouse. Perhaps this is why she hasn’t messed with me like this. Well, one time she DID symbolically murder my stuffed bear because I said that she couldn’t have him for her own. But I think she knew better than to really murder him. That would have called for retaliation.

I can’t say for sure whether Krystal did this on purpose, but I’m looking to you, readers, to slip Annie some aces up her sleeve to hold until the next Krystal attack.

What if she's UGLY??

While eating breakfast this morning and admiring the fresh-cut flowers at the table, I made a stark realization.

The baby I’m having in a few weeks might not look anything like I’ve imagined her to look.

Ever since I learned that I’m having a girl, I’ve been daydreaming about the perfect genetic combination of Hunt and Teague. This basically means curly auburn red hair, perfect skin, bright blue eyes, and an hourglass figure. Really, something like this:

Imagining a perfect-looking child is a dangerous game and I’ve already rolled the dice.

I don’t know how to get out of it now. I’m going to try to spend the next few weeks thinking “ugly” thoughts about the baby. Like a girl with thin wimpy hair (like me). Or a recessed chin. Or not having defined waist or hips as a woman. Having one blue eye and one brown one. Having some sort of disease where she can’t grow any teeth. Resembling a squirrel. Having acne so badly that she has to go into hiding from age 13-16.

I’m hoping that by imagining the worst, even if she has one lame trait (like my lame hair), I won’t be angry about it. This morning when I imagined being handed my baby and not seeing red hair, my first reaction was to say, “Oh no! Look at your stupid hair! NOW what are we going to do?!??” Not exactly the picture of a nurturing mother.

I’ve been praying for three things for baby girl all along: 1.) that she be mentally and physically healthy 2.) that she lives her life for Jesus 3.) that she has JB’s beautiful hair.

We’ll see if I can go 3 for 3.

If not, I’ll try my best to bite my tongue.

Icing on the Crap Cake

I have been trying to have a good attitude lately about having this baby. I’m fine with having a baby, especially since she’ll be the most beautiful, well-behaved human being to ever grace the planet. I mean, you can’t deny that mixing JB and me together can only result in perfection, right? :)

But then the realities of a baby start rearing their ugly heads. Well, the main one is money. We cannot afford daycare for the baby, and we cannot afford for one of us to quit a job to stay home with baby.

JB and I have been exploring several options to try to make this work. And we keep hitting dead ends.

Every time I hit a dead end, I want to scream at everyone who ever pestered me about having a baby, or who told me that it was time for me to have a baby, or who said that babies aren’t that expensive. I want to scream at them for pressuring me into something like this. But I know that’s not right. I made this decision. I made my bed, and now I have to lie in it. I could have called around and gotten daycare quotes before I got pregnant. But I did not.

So anyway, my biggest child-care solution was to work from home two days a week. That would cut $440 off of our monthly child-care bill. Two other women in my office have done this, and this is a very family-friendly place. I wrote up a very professional proposal and shared that I could do all of my job from home, with the exception of handling front-counter patrons, which are very few and far between on the Mondays and Fridays that I had wanted off.

I thought that this proposal would be accepted. I am a very good worker, am very organized, and have a very nice home office.

Yesterday I was told that I cannot have 2 days. They don’t even want to give me 1 day, but they will let me try it. One of the main reasons they want me in the office is that I am used so heavily to back up other departments when people are gone, and they need me to be able to do that (which is not in my job description, btw—I do it out of the goodness of my heart). Also, if there is an emergency situation with a member, I need to be here. When I got home and thought about all this, I felt pretty aweful. Apparently I can be used as the office workhorse to cover everyone else’s butts, but no one will help ME out in MY job on a day when I’m working from home and an “emergency” may arise. It’s not fair.

So anyway, I was seriously up all night being sad about this (and dealing with other pregnancy ailments). I need to plan these difficult conversations with coworkers about my job, how I feel, how I don’t want to be covering for everyone else anymore unless I get compensated for it, how I feel unappreciated, etc.

I lost so much sleep that I called in two hours late to work. I needed to get SOME rest before coming to work.

When I finally get on the road for work, I find myself driving through this new construction zone on my route. I’ve been driving through it for a week and was making a mental note to find a new route to work (to avoid the construction) when I see a policecar ahead of me on a side street turn on its lights. I drive past and move over so he can pull over whoever it is he’s after.

He was after me.

For speeding in a construction zone.

I had no idea I was speeding! I was following the flow of traffic! I thought the normal speed limit through there was 55, and I was going through at 40, like everyone else, thinking that that was slow enough.

Nope. The speed limit right now is 25. He said there was a sign. I said that I was sorry, but I didn’t see it, and didn’t know I was going too fast.

He didn’t care.

So, after a horrible day yesterday after feeling unappreciated at work, and then not sleeping in the night and being late for work, the officer chose to slap some shit frosting on my crap cake.

Thank you, sir, for giving a very pregnant lady a ticket. For giving her what will be an enormous fine (construction tickets are killer) that will make her even more poor and not be able to afford this baby. For making her cry her makeup off her face before she even got to work (yes, readers, the girl who doesn’t ever cry openly wept). For singling her out of the line of traffic that was also speeding.

If I had your home address, officer, I would leave my crap cake in a bag on your front doorstep and light it on fire.

Baby shower #1 = Sweet Business

Well, I have to admit that after my first baby shower, I am starting to get excited about having the baby. I think it was the outfits. I got all these cool little outfits and I want to put someone in them! And dressing up Lucy just isn't the same!

This shower was put on by my sisters and mom. It was Cat In the Hat themed. My mother was the Cat in the Hat (fitting, as she was born the same year as the Cat in the Hat), Melissa and Krystal were Thing 1 and Thing 2. Anne did not claim a character, but she if I were to give her a name it would be "Work Horse" as she slaved away to make this thing happen. Rachel also gets props for her contributions.





Unfortunately, because I was the guest of honor and therefore busy, not many photos were taken. I got a few to post, however.

Notable things:

• Each table had a fishbowl centerpiece with two fish in it (for One Fish, Two Fish).
  

• My cake was pink with a boat on top (can't remember which Seuss book that was a throwback to), and there were cupcakes with blue frosting mixed with coconut, to symbolize the hair of Thing 1 and Thing 2.
• There was, of course, Green Eggs and Ham to eat! :)
  
• We played Dr. Seuss trivia.
  
• My little cousin Rex (the boy in the second photo, standing by the presents) tried ripping open my presents because he is not disciplined. Unfortunately, he is always a source of trouble. His mom, who was three feet away, did nothing to stop him. I got up and told him NO and took his hands away, which was useless. Finally awesome Heather got up and told him how it was. THANKS HEATHER!! My instincts said to scream at him, YANK him away, and lock him in the house for not being obedient, but I knew that that was overkill, so I froze. Thank you for taking action. I was so mad at myself for not being more like you. I am going to work on this. I don't have a problem kicking my own child's butt, but other people's kids are a different realm.
  
• I got a LOT of pink outfits. Not too much yet, but I'm nervous because I have three other showers coming, one of which is my work shower, where it's just a big 'ole, "Let's get her cute outfits!" party. I will try to get the word out that I'm already about 50% pinked out.
  
• I realized how many wonderful people I have in my life. Every gift was thoughtful and necessary and I am always amazed at everyone's generosity.

Well readers, I had all these plans for posts this week, but life took over. Boo to laundry and having to make dinner and feeling cruddy! I haven’t even started packing/planning for our upcoming vacation! Agh!

A few notes.

Friday-Saturday: Sister Krystal came over last weekend. We had a lot of fun. We did things like go to a Whitecaps (baseball) game with Bible Study friends, ate at Mongolian BBQ, shopped for yarn, and played card games. She and JB got to bond over this really cheesy long commercial for “Light Rock’s Greatest Hits,” where you get to see all the worst songs of the last three decades performed by their gnarly artists with the big hair and bitchin’ leisure suits. Apparently this was the source of much laugher for K and JB, as evidenced in some of these photos. JB also watched this with sister Annie when she last visited. I’m seeing a trend here…

Lulu also watched the show with them, but she was more happy just to be chillin’ on the couch with her best friend, Bunny, whom she drags around with her everywhere. Unfortunately for Bunny, Lucy doesn’t realize that he only has eyes on his face, not his butt, so he didn’t get to take in much of the show.

Sunday: K and I also went to the super cool Allegan Antiques Fair with Marian. My favorite purchase was a beautiful pink serving tray. I considered giving it to my sister Smelly for a Christmas present, but greed took over. (I’m also not sure how much she’d use one of these.) The sales lady asked if I had a pink and black kitchen. I wish! I told her no, I have a husband, so I try to be considerate of him and only get SOME pink things. Aren’t I a good wife?

Then Sister Annie stayed for one night on her way back from hanging with Brother Tommy in Chicago. She showed me this beautiful green ring she bought there, which made me green with envy.

Tuesday: I ate of the first fruits of our vegetable garden. Well, just one fruit—one little cherry tomato. But it was so good! I can’t wait for my other tomatoes to ripen!

Earlier on Tuesday I went for my standard pregnancy checkup. I’m still on target for weight gain, but when I asked the Doctor how things looked as he measured me, he said that I was looking a bit large (I’ve been telling everyone that baby will be large, but I know that Doctors can’t always believe everything their patients say). He said if I keep measuring large, he will want to order another ultrasound. He does not intend to change my due date, though. I asked my coworkers what good an ultrasound would be if you suspect a large baby and aren’t changing the due date. Their replies? C-section. No thank you! I am going to fight that one tooth-and-nail. God gave me birthing hips and I intend to use them. Hopefully it will not get to the point where the doctor would suggest such a horrible thing. If you are a praying person, please pray that this does not happen.

Big Mama Photo

So I’ve received a couple of requests for “preggo” pics. It is time that I address this.

I have been avoiding it for two reasons.

1.) I don’t like the words Preggo or Preggers.

Preggo makes me think of Prego and Ragu, the spaghetti sauces. When someone says, “Hey Preggo,” I feel like they are eyeing my belly as if it were some delicious pasta-majesty that they can’t wait to devour. This is creepy.

And Preggers makes me think of some sort of scabby skin disease.

“Did you hear about Sandra? She’s got The Preggers!”

Gasp!

“Oh no! What is she going to do?!???”

Those seem to be quite popular terms, and I understand that I am just neurotic about words. But I will never post a “Preggo Pic.” Unless it’s an image of a bowl of pasta.

There are more words in the English language that I actually abhor. I don’t abhor Preggers—it just makes me uncomfortable—really, who wants to be flaunting a skin disease? I do not share which words I abhor because people have used them against me, namely JB. He likes to throw them down to get under my skin. (This is very rude, JB!) Most of these words relate to babies, so I am kind of nervous about my upcoming baby showers and then the part where I HAVE the baby in real life. I have been pretty successful in not uttering these words but I know that won’t last for long.

2.) I am not that fascinated with photos of pregnant ladies, and so I never think to get one taken of myself. I don’t have the general fascination with pregnancy and babies that most women do. Couple that with the fact that I am always the one behind the camera, and also that I am not photogenic so people are not drawn to taking photos of me, and you get NO PHOTOS OF APRIL! This has always been a bummer for me. It’s very rare that my photo is taken, and I always seem to jack them up because I don’t know how to smile naturally, etc.

However, I will honor those with a curiosity of how the gut is progressing with the best that image that I can muster. It is from the Fourth of July weekend at the Farm. I know what you’ll say…I can’t really see your gut! Yeah, sorry. Nothing I can do about that. To help you get an idea of what I look like today, people say that I look HUGE (like as big as my coworker Lisa, who is due in 2.5 weeks), but I’ve only gained 15 lbs so far (right on target), so I’m not sure where that idea is coming from. I’ve known women who have gained 45, 60, and 90 lbs in pregnancy. THAT, my friends, is HUGE. Also, my doc recently said that I’m hiding things better because I’m so tall. Then the next day a coworker exclaimed how big I looked. IDK. I’ve got 2.5 months left.

I can’t promise any more big mama photos. JB is not particularly interested in them, either, so unless I train Lucy to work my camera, I’m not sure I’ll have much more to share. Sorry, guys!

Sly little creatures

Small children are fast.

To give you a reference, they’re somewhere between a snake and a mongoose ... and a panther.

I have witnessed this several times lately. I am not as fast as them, so I have decided to register for a child harness/leash thing. If your child is that fast in public, help preserve their life by using a leash. Or terrify them with tales of strangers murdering them so that they will not leave your side. Supporting documentation: http://weblog.xanga.com/Crazyladypantyhose/587535799/item.html

Mama's Got a Brand New Chair

Before JB and I learned we were having a baby I had made a list of three things I would like to obtain pre-baby. I figured that once the baby came we'd be living in poor-town, so any major purchases would need to be made beforehand.

1.) China cabinet: not everyone needs one, but I do. At least, I would use it a lot. Marian saw one at a high-end consignment shop for a good deal, and her good eye, along with some Bush Bucks helped me to realize this dream. Isn't that crazy! I mean, these suckers are usually really expensive! Marian postulated that it was marked down so much because of it's large size--not many people would want one this big. I am still floored that I have a china cabinet. I feel so glamorous!



2.) Bedroom furniture. Right now we are using the furniture from JB's boyhood bedroom, which really belongs in baby's room. We did get fabric to make a headboard and drapes, but I don't think we'll be able to swing getting new dressers. This hasn't really bothered me because I have my china cabinet and I shouldn't be too greedy.

3.) La-z-boy chair. A few years ago my parents gave me "the Big Blue Chair," which is the la-z-b0y that my Dad bought at least 16 years ago. He special ordered it to be BIG because he's a big man. It's called the Grand Canyon. It was actually big enough for one dad and one kid or wife to sit in. It was heavily used. One night Annie was sitting in the kitchen when she heard a loud CRASH! She ran into the living room to see mom and dad lying on the floor behind the chair, cracking up. The back finally broke on it and flipped them backwards out of it. However, my dad rigged it and it became the "trick chair" in JB's and my living room. Guests would sit in the chair, assuming that the back would stay in place, only to be launched backward in it.

I am almost obsessed with the wonderfulness of a rocking/reclining la-z-boy, so I insisted on a new one for me to rock Baby H in (Big Blue doesn't rock as nicely, and the fabric is tearing apart, it's dirty, it's broken). Of course, the leather model that we picked was really pricey. Eee! Today I called to get the exact price because JB and I were talking about getting it in August when he got his bonus check. I know--who spends that much on furniture?!? This is how deep my obsession went. "Oh, the Barnett?" the saleslady asks. "The cloth version is actually on clearance right now. And with an extra 10% off." What!!! Aaagghhh! So....we bought it. It is WONDERFUL. And it was a LOT more affordable--it actually cost the same that my dad paid for his back in the early 90's.

JB and his parents debated over putting Big Blue Chair on the curb or giving it to Salvation Army. I told them that I have to prepare myself emotionally to part with it before anything like that happens. I think that they found my silliness to be amusing, but I seriously place lots of sentimental value on things like this.

Here is JB (woah! A chair big enough for a 6'3" man!):

"This'll probably be the last time I ever sit in this chair, as April will take it over forever as soon as she sets that camera down."

Here is me. Me and baby gut:


It's not as wide as Big Blue, so JB and I can't share it, but there is just enough room for one parent and one little baby to rock.

The Lord is good.

I don't think you should eat that

Each week April and I attempt to follow our pregnancy progress in the book Your Pregnancy: Week by Week. The book is full of descriptions of how the baby is growing and the changes to expect as well as tips for healthy living with a baby inside you. There is quite a bit of good and interesting information and quite a bit of information for those who need to know EVERYTHING that could possibly go wrong. Needless to say we only read the applicable entries.

Last night as I was getting ready for bed I heard April read, "Are you concerned about Anthrax?" WTH? Anthrax? This should have been an indication of this week's reading which went something this like...

[I'm reading from an article titled Some Alternative Food Choices]
J:To help control a sweet tooth, limit yourself to a 100 calories of candy a day - a handful of jelly beans---
A:A handful of chili beans?!?
J:No, a handful of jelly beans.
A:That's a handful of bullshit.

Ladies and gentlemen this is my wife...

and i love her just the way she is.

Gadget babies

I helped JB celebrate his first “sort-of” Father’s Day by making him accompany me to Babies R Us to make our baby registry. I told him that the place weirds me out, and that we needed strength in numbers.

Most of the registering went fine, though I could have done with a few less “requirements.” As my friend Heather said, “You walk in the place and it makes you feel like you’re a bad parent if you don’t buy your kid every $80 item available.”

I had really wanted to register at Target, but they are not “return-friendly” when it comes to baby registry items. You can only return twice in a one-year period, and only up to a $35 maximum or something stupid like that. So I registered for some fun, colorful things there, but had to do the bulk at the scary store.

When you register, they give you a massive list of everything possible to register for. It’s ridiculous! It is nice to have a list, but seriously, who wants all that crap taking up space in their house? Not me! Half of the stuff is for newborns, and is only useful until they’re like 3 or 4 months old. No. Baby barely has a grasp on the five inches in front of his/her face at that age. Baby does not need a million sitting contraptions, etc. JB and I kept looking at the weight limits for swings, strollers, etc. We are large people who will have a large baby who will probably outgrow everything in a month.

Anyway, it’s quite frustrating. Fortunately, I have friends who can steer me right. I showed the “what to register for” list to some coworkers today and they gave it to me straight. They helped cross ridiculous things off the list. Here is one ridiculous thing :

Baby video monitor. Woah. Talk about overly-invested parents. The children whose parents use this device will have trouble cutting the cord when they turn 18.

Here are two items that may be useful for some parents, but I think that these models are a little too much:

Baby Sauna that includes a shower and a pump to pump in clean, warm water. What?!?? Put the kid in your cleaned kitchen sink and squirt some soap in. My coworkers promise—it works!

Baby walker. What is this? A mini-apartment? This would probably scare the daylights out of any child who is not colorblind. Waay too much stimulation! I mean, I really dig colorful things, people, but even I have my limits.

We are not done registering. I’m sure I missed a million actual important things because I was too stupefied near the end to concentrate. I had these visions of what our house would look like with a baby in it. Basically, it would look the same, except there would be a devastatingly cute baby playing on the living room floor, with a lot of colorful baby Einstein toys surrounding her, and upstairs there would be a child’s bedroom with colorful blankets and books and toys.

I forgot about the walker. And the bouncy chair. And the “lay and play” (play mat thingy). And the ugly Johnny-jump up because they can only make ugly gadgets these days. And the swing, walker, booster chair, high chair, potty chair, nursing stool, bathtub, you name it.

Argh!!! I keep asking myself what little people did in the 1800’s. Or 1700’s. Perhaps we could raise our baby that way. Those people seem to have made it. The just had crawled on dirt floors and played with errant sticks. Yeah, I don’t think we need all those gadgets…

I realized that four months from today, I will probably be holding my little person. That’s so crazy. I don’t know if anyone else is like this, but whenever I achieve some big life goal, it seems so surreal to me. Like I never thought I’d live long enough to do it. Perhaps it’s because I was always taught that Jesus could come back ANY DAY, so I just go about life not really expecting to reach “Granny-age.”

So when I

• Moved away from home
• Obtained a Big Ten degree
• Got a full-time job with paid vacation
• Married a wonderful person
• Bought a house
• Got my very own dog,

I was quite surprised with myself. Perhaps I am surprised because I am also a pessimist, so I don’t trust myself to reach goals.

I also have life goals of writing my favorite book (it doesn’t need to be published, but just bound and put on my own shelf), owning a single-cab pickup truck, living in a lovely house on several acres, and seeing my family live for Jesus.

These goals aren’t quite as easy to reach as getting knocked up. But they probably also require less follow-up work than giving birth to a little person.

And they’re less nerve-wracking. I am not afraid of the actual raising of the child, like most people are. The kid will be FINE. It will not die because I didn’t do every perfect parenting thing possible. My fears are selfish ones. How much will this baby wreck my life? How much will I resent the baby for snatching away my quiet times? How much crap am I going to have to lug around everywhere for ONE little person? How many weird parents will I have to deal with (you know, the ones who freak out too much over their kids, or who don’t believe in the word “discipline,” etc.). Ugh. All the sacrifies for one little person!!!

She had better be extremely cute and wicked smart. Lucy is a bucket of trouble in herself, but her cuteness and cleverness help me to love her to pieces and not hate her. I don’t know how the parents of ugly children could do it… :)