Well readers, I had all these plans for posts this week, but life took over. Boo to laundry and having to make dinner and feeling cruddy! I haven’t even started packing/planning for our upcoming vacation! Agh!

A few notes.

Friday-Saturday: Sister Krystal came over last weekend. We had a lot of fun. We did things like go to a Whitecaps (baseball) game with Bible Study friends, ate at Mongolian BBQ, shopped for yarn, and played card games. She and JB got to bond over this really cheesy long commercial for “Light Rock’s Greatest Hits,” where you get to see all the worst songs of the last three decades performed by their gnarly artists with the big hair and bitchin’ leisure suits. Apparently this was the source of much laugher for K and JB, as evidenced in some of these photos. JB also watched this with sister Annie when she last visited. I’m seeing a trend here…

Lulu also watched the show with them, but she was more happy just to be chillin’ on the couch with her best friend, Bunny, whom she drags around with her everywhere. Unfortunately for Bunny, Lucy doesn’t realize that he only has eyes on his face, not his butt, so he didn’t get to take in much of the show.

Sunday: K and I also went to the super cool Allegan Antiques Fair with Marian. My favorite purchase was a beautiful pink serving tray. I considered giving it to my sister Smelly for a Christmas present, but greed took over. (I’m also not sure how much she’d use one of these.) The sales lady asked if I had a pink and black kitchen. I wish! I told her no, I have a husband, so I try to be considerate of him and only get SOME pink things. Aren’t I a good wife?

Then Sister Annie stayed for one night on her way back from hanging with Brother Tommy in Chicago. She showed me this beautiful green ring she bought there, which made me green with envy.

Tuesday: I ate of the first fruits of our vegetable garden. Well, just one fruit—one little cherry tomato. But it was so good! I can’t wait for my other tomatoes to ripen!

Earlier on Tuesday I went for my standard pregnancy checkup. I’m still on target for weight gain, but when I asked the Doctor how things looked as he measured me, he said that I was looking a bit large (I’ve been telling everyone that baby will be large, but I know that Doctors can’t always believe everything their patients say). He said if I keep measuring large, he will want to order another ultrasound. He does not intend to change my due date, though. I asked my coworkers what good an ultrasound would be if you suspect a large baby and aren’t changing the due date. Their replies? C-section. No thank you! I am going to fight that one tooth-and-nail. God gave me birthing hips and I intend to use them. Hopefully it will not get to the point where the doctor would suggest such a horrible thing. If you are a praying person, please pray that this does not happen.

Big Mama Photo

So I’ve received a couple of requests for “preggo” pics. It is time that I address this.

I have been avoiding it for two reasons.

1.) I don’t like the words Preggo or Preggers.

Preggo makes me think of Prego and Ragu, the spaghetti sauces. When someone says, “Hey Preggo,” I feel like they are eyeing my belly as if it were some delicious pasta-majesty that they can’t wait to devour. This is creepy.

And Preggers makes me think of some sort of scabby skin disease.

“Did you hear about Sandra? She’s got The Preggers!”

Gasp!

“Oh no! What is she going to do?!???”

Those seem to be quite popular terms, and I understand that I am just neurotic about words. But I will never post a “Preggo Pic.” Unless it’s an image of a bowl of pasta.

There are more words in the English language that I actually abhor. I don’t abhor Preggers—it just makes me uncomfortable—really, who wants to be flaunting a skin disease? I do not share which words I abhor because people have used them against me, namely JB. He likes to throw them down to get under my skin. (This is very rude, JB!) Most of these words relate to babies, so I am kind of nervous about my upcoming baby showers and then the part where I HAVE the baby in real life. I have been pretty successful in not uttering these words but I know that won’t last for long.

2.) I am not that fascinated with photos of pregnant ladies, and so I never think to get one taken of myself. I don’t have the general fascination with pregnancy and babies that most women do. Couple that with the fact that I am always the one behind the camera, and also that I am not photogenic so people are not drawn to taking photos of me, and you get NO PHOTOS OF APRIL! This has always been a bummer for me. It’s very rare that my photo is taken, and I always seem to jack them up because I don’t know how to smile naturally, etc.

However, I will honor those with a curiosity of how the gut is progressing with the best that image that I can muster. It is from the Fourth of July weekend at the Farm. I know what you’ll say…I can’t really see your gut! Yeah, sorry. Nothing I can do about that. To help you get an idea of what I look like today, people say that I look HUGE (like as big as my coworker Lisa, who is due in 2.5 weeks), but I’ve only gained 15 lbs so far (right on target), so I’m not sure where that idea is coming from. I’ve known women who have gained 45, 60, and 90 lbs in pregnancy. THAT, my friends, is HUGE. Also, my doc recently said that I’m hiding things better because I’m so tall. Then the next day a coworker exclaimed how big I looked. IDK. I’ve got 2.5 months left.

I can’t promise any more big mama photos. JB is not particularly interested in them, either, so unless I train Lucy to work my camera, I’m not sure I’ll have much more to share. Sorry, guys!

Calvin Hallway beautification

When I was scanning my old blog for my Funky Loser story, I noticed another old post with a photo of our hallway before we fixed it totally. I never posted an updated photo and cousin Sarah's house progress photos inspired me to finally show the finished product of some of our toils (Sarah, I'm looking forward to more of your photos!). Also, JB has been working his butt off on windows, and he sometimes forgets how far we've already come. It's hard to appreciate your work unless you see a good Before and After.

Here is the hallway before we bought the house and the correlating improvement. Not only did we paint, etc., but we cleaned the window. Apparently the previous homeowners did not own Windex, as NONE of the windows were cleaned. They were FILTHY. I found proof that the storms had not been washed since before 1972!! This window was one of the cleanest ones, though if you look closely, you will see paint all around the edge of it, because scraping paint was too much work for them.:






















Here is the other end of the hall. We had refinished the floors, painted the walls and ceiling, and rewired the light by then, but the trim still needed help:























Now, sure, it looks good. But the casual eye will not understand the insane work that went into this, unless you've owned your own vintage fixer upper. Such as listening to previous owner's whispers in the air as you work:

"Hmm...this door really needs to be painted. But sanding, washing, priming, and REMOVING THE HARDWARE is too much work. Let's just slop paint everywhere and call it good. Let's not even bother to TRY to remove some of the mis-slopped paint. Oh, and washing the door when it gets dirty? Who do you think I am? A CLEAN person?"
























JB spent hours cleaning all the hinges on all the doors. We trashed the cheap knobs (I believe that the originals were pawned) and scored vintage replacement knobs off of eBay. I heart eBay.























This is an example of how we spend our free time. Yes, we are crazy. JB has a load of more projects like this lined up, so if we don't post for a while, you'll understand. We're busy out buying more Windex.

Turd Creek

The other day I said to my coworker Brenda, “Then you’d really be up Turd Creek without a paddle!”

“Well, that’s a new way of putting it!” she replied.

I asked her what she meant and she said that she’d never heard that term before. She is from New Jersey, though, so I figured that this was a regional saying.

Then I dropped it on the in-laws last weekend. Mark and Marian laughed at my remark, but I was being serious. They, too, had not heard of Turd Creek. Like Brenda, they’ve heard of “Up a creek…” but not specifically Turd Creek.

I got this term from my Dad. I googled it though and there was almost nothing on it. My dad’s family is from Alabama, so I’m wondering if it’s a Southern thing. I think it’s a much more effective saying than plain, “up a creek without a paddle.” Whoopie do. You’re up a creek without a paddle. Just use your arms, fool!

But if I found myself up TURD Creek, I’d be more concerned. Not dipping my arms into that water! If THAT doesn’t mean stranded, I don’t know what does.

So, has anyone else out there heard this term before? Or is this a “Tom Teague Special”?

Sly little creatures

Small children are fast.

To give you a reference, they’re somewhere between a snake and a mongoose ... and a panther.

I have witnessed this several times lately. I am not as fast as them, so I have decided to register for a child harness/leash thing. If your child is that fast in public, help preserve their life by using a leash. Or terrify them with tales of strangers murdering them so that they will not leave your side. Supporting documentation: http://weblog.xanga.com/Crazyladypantyhose/587535799/item.html

Rain, rain, go away

I'm a little annoyed. I started the huge task of repainting the exterior of our house, but I can't seem to get rolling in any significant way. I'm either too busy with my nights being pre-planned or the weather doesn't cooperate. I was all excited to work on further painting windows and then I checked the weather report.

Severe thunderstorms all day Saturday. Boo. It's funny how your perspective changes as you grow up. I used to latch on to any excuse NOT to do work, now I'm ticked when I get legit excuses...

Santa and the Walnuts

Fourth of July was good, but busy. JB and I helped get things ready for the annual Teague 4^th of July party. We also just hung out with Mom and Dad and siblings and had fun.

Two best Quotes from the weekend:

"These are great almonds!" said Tommy, as he fishes some nuts from a large bag.

"Those are walnuts," said JB (or Virginia, or me—we were all aware that they were walnuts).

"No, they're almonds," he insisted.

"No, they're walnuts—it says WALNUTS on the bag," we insisted back.

"Walnuts? No. It says ALMONDS. See, right here: D.I. ALMONDS."

Sorry, brother…

_____________________________________

When Ivan got to our house for the party, his father Eric told him that my Dad is Santa Clause, and that Ivan had better be good because Santa will remember if he was naughty or nice. The wonderful thing about children is that they believe anything you tell them, especially when the big man standing at the grill looks JUST LIKE Santa Clause.

When Ivan needed to go in the house later, he politely approached my Dad and asked,

“Santa, can I use your bathroom?”

Ivan was especially geeked when Santa let him drive his lawnmower around.

There are more photos from the party. You can check some of them out at www.flickr.com/violetjane if you want.

All your base are belong to us

A retro geek for your Sunday afternoon.



What you say?!?

Mama's Got a Brand New Chair

Before JB and I learned we were having a baby I had made a list of three things I would like to obtain pre-baby. I figured that once the baby came we'd be living in poor-town, so any major purchases would need to be made beforehand.

1.) China cabinet: not everyone needs one, but I do. At least, I would use it a lot. Marian saw one at a high-end consignment shop for a good deal, and her good eye, along with some Bush Bucks helped me to realize this dream. Isn't that crazy! I mean, these suckers are usually really expensive! Marian postulated that it was marked down so much because of it's large size--not many people would want one this big. I am still floored that I have a china cabinet. I feel so glamorous!



2.) Bedroom furniture. Right now we are using the furniture from JB's boyhood bedroom, which really belongs in baby's room. We did get fabric to make a headboard and drapes, but I don't think we'll be able to swing getting new dressers. This hasn't really bothered me because I have my china cabinet and I shouldn't be too greedy.

3.) La-z-boy chair. A few years ago my parents gave me "the Big Blue Chair," which is the la-z-b0y that my Dad bought at least 16 years ago. He special ordered it to be BIG because he's a big man. It's called the Grand Canyon. It was actually big enough for one dad and one kid or wife to sit in. It was heavily used. One night Annie was sitting in the kitchen when she heard a loud CRASH! She ran into the living room to see mom and dad lying on the floor behind the chair, cracking up. The back finally broke on it and flipped them backwards out of it. However, my dad rigged it and it became the "trick chair" in JB's and my living room. Guests would sit in the chair, assuming that the back would stay in place, only to be launched backward in it.

I am almost obsessed with the wonderfulness of a rocking/reclining la-z-boy, so I insisted on a new one for me to rock Baby H in (Big Blue doesn't rock as nicely, and the fabric is tearing apart, it's dirty, it's broken). Of course, the leather model that we picked was really pricey. Eee! Today I called to get the exact price because JB and I were talking about getting it in August when he got his bonus check. I know--who spends that much on furniture?!? This is how deep my obsession went. "Oh, the Barnett?" the saleslady asks. "The cloth version is actually on clearance right now. And with an extra 10% off." What!!! Aaagghhh! So....we bought it. It is WONDERFUL. And it was a LOT more affordable--it actually cost the same that my dad paid for his back in the early 90's.

JB and his parents debated over putting Big Blue Chair on the curb or giving it to Salvation Army. I told them that I have to prepare myself emotionally to part with it before anything like that happens. I think that they found my silliness to be amusing, but I seriously place lots of sentimental value on things like this.

Here is JB (woah! A chair big enough for a 6'3" man!):

"This'll probably be the last time I ever sit in this chair, as April will take it over forever as soon as she sets that camera down."

Here is me. Me and baby gut:


It's not as wide as Big Blue, so JB and I can't share it, but there is just enough room for one parent and one little baby to rock.

The Lord is good.

I don't think you should eat that

Each week April and I attempt to follow our pregnancy progress in the book Your Pregnancy: Week by Week. The book is full of descriptions of how the baby is growing and the changes to expect as well as tips for healthy living with a baby inside you. There is quite a bit of good and interesting information and quite a bit of information for those who need to know EVERYTHING that could possibly go wrong. Needless to say we only read the applicable entries.

Last night as I was getting ready for bed I heard April read, "Are you concerned about Anthrax?" WTH? Anthrax? This should have been an indication of this week's reading which went something this like...

[I'm reading from an article titled Some Alternative Food Choices]
J:To help control a sweet tooth, limit yourself to a 100 calories of candy a day - a handful of jelly beans---
A:A handful of chili beans?!?
J:No, a handful of jelly beans.
A:That's a handful of bullshit.

Ladies and gentlemen this is my wife...

and i love her just the way she is.